Houston Is Hot Tonight

Adult Warning: A heavy dose of irony mixed with raw fact is embedded in this post. Don't try this at home.

Preamble:

Now I don’t mind
a bloodbath
when I’ve got oil
on my breath.

Iggy Pop, “Houston is Hot Tonight” (1981)

Everybody, there's a big party in Baghdad and you're you're invited. There are a lot of free-fire zones, so if you elect to go you might want to pack some heat, a flak jacket and some extra body armor. And actually, you might want to enlist in the armed forces, or become a civilian contractor (don't forget, there's plenty of danger pay involved, so it's a good deal for your family, if you have one, even if you're kidnapped and tortured to death or just lose a few limbs along the "highway" between the Baghdad International Airport and the Green Zone). If you're not in the military or with a reconstruction contractor, you might want to sign on with an official government (any officially recognized government will do, even that of El Salvador) just to be on the safe side. Also, you might want to know a few basic party tips first so you don't randomly shoot people or burn their homes down by mistake:

Contrary to what several U.S. military officers at the Virginia Military Insitute called them within my earshot many years ago, the people in and around Iraq and Iran are best not labeled “Sand niggers.” Not a good way to make friends or to inspire even grudging respect from your natural enemies.

Fact number 1: Iranians/Persians are not Arabs.
Fact number 2: Turks and Turkmen are not Arabs.
Fact number 3: Kurds are not Arabs.
Fact number 4: Armenians are not Arabs.
Fact number 5: Assyrians/Chaldeans are not Arabs.
Fact number 6: About 75% of Iraqis are Arabs.
Fact number 7: None of these ethnicities are “black.”
Fact number 8: Most of these people do not reside “in the sand.”
Fact number 9: "Niggers" is not a nice word -- you should know better.

Also, if you live in Metro Detroit, you may or may not know that many representatives from each of the aforementioned "ethnicities"/cultures live in the area. Be nice.

Fact number 10: "Race" does not actually exist except as an evil social codification for perpetrating Slavery, Apartheid, Genocide, and "Ethnic Cleansing." Check it out for yourself if you believe otherwise. However, you can always tell who is violently dominating in any one particular place -- and for any given time period -- by how race/ethnicity/religious status/sexual orientation is legally classified, and how "mixed" or "unconventional" families are treated, socially or legally.

As for differences between various factions of Sunnis and Shi'ites, don't even get me started. You should know better by now. US citizens especially should have some idea that as of the time of writing this post, their elected government has spent or appropriated 357 billion U.S. dollars on this latest Iraq block party. (Man, imagine a billion and change invested in the infrastructure of each and every one of the most populous 350 American cities instead!)

Also, if you go to Baghdad voluntarily or otherwise, I hope you enjoy yourself! You may soon be accompanied by thousands of additional Americans sent ("surged") there by the President of the USA, even if he is a lame duck. After all the smoke clears, looks like he'll still be quacking for another two long years. As for me, I'll take my chances elsewhere, thank you very much. Short of WWIII, I'm way too old for the Draft. Are you?

Today's Rune: Movement.

Bon voyage!