Sign O' the Times

Warm sunny weather is not always a good thing in Metro Detroit. In fact, you know it’s bad when mailing off tax forms from the Post Office is the easiest part of the day’s errands. Driving on Gratiot Avenue was like kicking over two opposing ant hills (apologies to ants for the simile). We are one heat wave and power outage away from real trouble in the streets again a la 1967. The mix is in place: high fuel costs; heavy construction even on major secondary arteries like Gratiot; proposed changes in immigration laws and procedures; reduced police forces; mayoral proposals to charge fees for basic services like water and trash pickup; a terrible local economy with more layoffs rolling in; bungled overseas conflicts and misappropriated resources, with increasing Michigan casualties; very impatient and pissed off people out on the roads; and way too many weapons on hand. I suppose the Phantom Signmakers have it right with their latest roadside cultural contribution: Welcome to Detroit. We hope you survive. Or consider the church on Mack Avenue with its new Easter sign: Only a risen Savior can save a dying world. Jesus helps us, indeed.

I’ve got an idea for some bread and circuses to channel the increasingly violent tendencies out there: why don’t we turn Tiger Stadium into a Roman-style gladiator ring and charge a hefty admission? Seriously, it would be a lot more urgent and exciting than baseball over at Comerica Park. There would be plenty of volunteers to do the fighting, too. And the survivors could walk over to the casinos afterwards.

Which reminds me of one of my favorite exchanges in The Sopranos. When a certain mouthy idiot challenges Tony with Where are the Romans now?, Tony shoots back, You’re looking at them, asshole. Exactly.

The above is a DVD cover for Detroit 9000 (1973), a great and edgy film with a cool soundtrack reissued at the behest of Quentin Tarantino as an homage and thanks. I plan to review it properly at some point. 9000 is apparently code for “officer down” or in need of backup. When all else fails, they can call on Robocop. Regardless, we’d better keep an eye out for a latter-day appearance of the Red Dwarf, a legendary local creature that heralds disaster for our fair city.

I did see some good things while driving around. Not sure why I never noticed it before, but there’s a wonderful statue of Athena at the Athena Banquet Center on Gratiot. The pre-Christian gods and goddesses still dwell among us, clearly, even in the New World. Luckily, there’s room for all. I also dropped into The Road Show, which has a bunch of items honoring the Motor City, if mostly with gallows humor. One shirt, for instance, declares: DETROIT: WHERE THE WEAK ARE KILLED AND EATEN. Nice. They have a lot of Detroit stuff, especially clothing and small paraphernalia. The place is big: their business card indicates they have “9,000 Square Feet of Fun!” Check it out if you’re looking for a remembrance. 28500 Gratiot Avenue in Roseville, Michigan. Owner: Bruce Hoffman. Phone: (586)-779-7623. Hours as of today: Mon.-Sat. 10:30 – 8:45; Sun. 12 – 4:45. While on the northeast side, I also visited Mystic Curio, Clinton Township’s version of Detroit’s Knight Light (which is way down on Gratiot toward the Eastern Market), with a pagan and Egyptian twist. Besides “spiritually diverse” candles and books, they also have baubles and spangles, and they do tarot readings, palm reading, and “spiritual counseling” (as does Knight Light). Mystic Curio is located at 37515 Harper and their phone number is: (586)-954-9639.

Given the stresses of the day, I’ll probably have to save my bit on the rosary for Easter Sunday (tomorrow). Meanwhile, I need to do a special rosary to calm down again. . . . .