Maryann Burk Carver: What It Used to Be Like

WHAT IT USED TO BE LIKE: A Portrait of My Marriage to Raymond Carver by Maryann Burk Carver (New York: St. Martin's Press, July 2006) tells the riveting story of her relationship with Raymond, one that began when she was a teenager and has endured, even though he's been physically gone for eighteen years.

What the Carvers lived through (including twenty-five years of marriage and raising two kids) is described in an endearing, heartbreaking, and familiar voice that makes one want to weep for the human condition. They’d have been right at home living in Detroit, certainly. There are not really any villians in this memoir; Carver Country is just hard and sad, interspersed with joyous moments and flashes of brilliance. My favorite part is the 1960s, their daily struggles and constant moving from place to place. When the 1970s arrive, life careens beyond control, fueled by alcoholism; even the changing structure of chapter sections reflects this chaotic time. I couldn't put the book down until I'd read it straight through, and someday hope to read more of what was edited out (the original manuscript was apparently as long as a Bill Clinton speech, and probably as rambling -- but the deleted details must inevitably add more to the complex story of their lives and families). Nonetheless, I love all the details presented in the book the way it is now; Maryann's strength of feeling is evident, especially when she gets angry about Ray's girlfriend Diane Cecily or about one of his nastier (to her) mentors like Gordon Lish, or at a fire and brimstone preacher jabbering at her father's funeral. She also discusses a lot of other interesting things, like how they barely survived from paycheck to paycheck, Ray deciding for a while to become a librarian (he loved hanging out or working in libraries), her wanting to be a lawyer but becoming a successful teacher instead. Her bitterness about having to move from hip and happening Berkeley to dreary Iowa for the depressing Iowa Writers' Workshop is especially touching and well-described, as is her tough but sometimes lucrative (in terms of essential cash flow) work as a waitress.

This is a marvelous book for anyone interested in real life stories -- I'm very glad to have read it as soon as I got my hands on a copy (which was delivered to my doorstep). Other Raymond Carver fans, of course, will find it extra fascinating. Sometimes love may not be enough to keep a marriage or other longterm relationship intact, but in this case, the love endured beyond marriage. Kudos to Maryann Burk Carver! I hope she continues to write and publish more of her own work.

Ciao!